


The Coveted Difference

by fannyabal



Category: Adam (2009), Charlie Countryman (2013), Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Adam Raki Loves Nigel (Charlie Countryman), Adam Raki is soft, Adam Raki loves kisses, Adorable Adam Raki, Asperger Syndrome, Bottom Adam Raki, Eventual Smut, First Gay Sex, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Smut, Gay, Gay Sex, Horny Adam Raki, Lot of kissing, M/M, Nigel (Charlie Countryman) Loves Adam Raki, Nigel is soft, Nigel is whipped, Oral Sex, Protective Nigel (Charlie Countryman), Sexually excited, Smut, Spacedog, Spacedogs, Top Nigel (Charlie Countryman), Touchy-Feely, kisses everywhere, uwu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:28:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26177227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fannyabal/pseuds/fannyabal
Summary: Of course, Nigel knew the handkerchief wouldn't change anything, but keeping it and getting Adam to have his necklace would definitely change something. Never was Nigel this surprised at someone's presence and his senses only knew that Adam had something special, something different that could save Nigel not from his wounds but from his thirst, his longing for something he craved for and wanted to feel again, at least before he really, really dead.
Relationships: Nigel (Charlie Countryman)/Adam Raki
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	1. How They Met

Unexpectedly, California was a comfortable place for Adam; his apartment, his job, and the observatory where he spent more time being a space tour guide—not literally, just introducing a few basics, still treading on earth. The Observatory paid him a fantastic amount, appreciating knowledge and ability over conditions, which allowed Adam to stuff more macaroni-cheese and chicken-broccoli into the cabinets of his minimalist kitchen.

That day Adam finished his job at five with a large box in his arms and as usual, he traced the same road he left in the morning. Oh how happy Adam was today because his co-workers and bosses remembered his birthday. Congratulations and a few gifts were collected and put into the box so that Adam could carry them easily. What kind of friends!

Adam was very impatient to open all the gifts, along the way, although occasionally he was distracted by how noisy the outdoor activity was, Adam still wanted to maintain his racket, glancing back and forth at the cardboard as if they were flirting with each other. There were only a few minutes left for him to reach his apartment when a voice was heard in one of the alley, stealing Adam’s attention. With the cardboard still hunched between his arms, Adam stopped right in front of the alley for a few moments before actually turning and entering the way, looking for anything that made the sound he heard.

Sounds were no stranger, but if it sounded like a raccoon growl, Adam was the perfect target. He liked to observe raccoons in central park before moving to California, though. Looking around, Adam glanced behind the metal staircase that led to a back door to the building that walled off the alley, but there was nothing there. The growl grew louder as he walked over the stairs, closer to the battered couch at the end of the way; there was someone, lolling, holding the side of his stomach. It’s definitely not a raccoon.

“Hello?” Adam, in a low voice, greeted. When the man was right in front of him, he was immediately confused, terrified, and panicked. Blood was seeping from his stomach, between the man’s fingers. “What happened to you?”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Adam.” He answered quickly, nervously, his eyes still scanning the figure before him, the face contorted as if someone had just squeezed it. It might not be a raccoon, but the man looked very much in pain, just like Adam’s father had. And Adam didn’t want to look at the same thing a second time, so he put down the box and hesitantly walked over to the couch.

“Adam, if you have a fucking handkerchief, please lend it to me.”

“But this is mine.”

The man cursed, grimaced. “I’m borrowing it, fuck. I’ll definitely return it. Hurry the fuck up, hand it and help me, gorgeous.”

There it was, Adam needed a guide for his ‘flying’ thoughts and the man was telling Adam exactly what to do. So Adam took out his handkerchief, gave it to the faded-gold-haired man, who immediately used it to patch up the wound he had been covering with his hands. Adam just stood there watching, his fingers moving unsteadily while his expression looked disinterested.

“Are you going to call the police? Ambulance? “

“Oh.” Adam turned his head toward the street outside the alley, then looked back at the box he brought along. “My phone, it’s in my apartment.”

“Is that so?” The man laughed weakly, he slowly tried to get up, hand on his ribs, and stood up with difficulty. He couldn’t, just couldn’t die in the trash and it seemed that Adam’s handkerchief that couldn’t even wrap his upper body was a debt of gratitude even though Adam didn’t really help—he was just following directions.

Limping, the man removed a necklace from his neck with one free hand, grabbed Adam’s hand and slipped it between them. “This is a guarantee for your favorite handkerchief, sweetie. We’ll meet again later.”

“Just give it back to me, I’ll wash it myself. I’ll be doing my laundry tomorrow. “ Adam passed the necklace back to the man, shook his head disapprovingly. But the man, with his big splayed hand, insisted that Adam keep the necklace, giving him a sinister look that successfully silenced Adam; not out of fear, but Adam thought maybe he was again, as he was always, saying something wrong. With that, he allowed the man to limp off, disappearing from his sight.

Adam looked down at the necklace which was becoming a thing for his fingers to keep moving. The necklace was gold and shiny, maybe the man had this hair color when he was a teenager. True, the man looked like he already had his own family, not someone the same age as Adam.

He kept twirling the pendant in his hand, very focused there as if the world was centered on that. After repeatedly turning the granite around, Adam stopped, bringing the necklace close to his eyes. There was a carving on the back of it. “Ga ... Bi.” He had a little trouble with the spelling because the lights dimmed around him and the alley where he stood gradually got darker. “Oh. Gabi.” He nodded his head. So, Adam made a note in his memory, that the man who borrowed the handkerchief his father had given him was named Gabi.

“Oh my God, Nigel, this is a big wound!”

“I know it very fucking well, dear Rachel. You don’t need to scream it, you’re fucking loud.” Nigel lay down on a chair, right hand raised over his head while Rachel cleaned the wound for treatment. He could see the frown on her forehead, between her fine brows, very much an indication of mixed worry and relief; she was grateful Nigel was still alive and had _only_ come home wounded.

“And you thought a handkerchief could stop the bleeding?” Rachel chuckled in thought.

“You’re saying I’m stupid, bitch?” Nigel smiled, looking at the woman beside him with a calm, contemptuous gaze.

“Save the swearing for you, it’s hard to believe that you expected a handkerchief to save your life.” Rachel raised an eyebrow, rummaged through the first aid kit she had placed on the table, looking for tools to use for suturing. It was a stab wound, embedded in the ribs and incised into the side of his abdomen. Whoever did this to Nigel was going to kill him.

“I never feared death, you can fucking kill me right here right now if you want. But of course after you succeed in rendering me helpless, which will require a fucking lot of blood; yours and mine.”

Rachel just glanced at him curtly, no longer making a reply but her gesture made it clear how much she disliked Nigel when he got so talkative. Meanwhile the man letting his “friend” provide treatment, he looked up at the ceiling, remembered the moment this afternoon when Adam appeared in front of him; Bright white skin, bright blue eyes with long lashes, and cute curls neatly combed, matching his semi-formal outfit. Of course Nigel knew the handkerchief wouldn’t change anything, but keeping it and getting Adam to have his necklace would definitely change something. Never was Nigel this surprised at someone’s presence and his senses only knew that Adam had something special, something different that could save Nigel not from his wounds but from his thirst, his longing for something he craved for and wanted to feel again, at least before he really, really dead. He really was going to see Adam again, maybe not tomorrow, but soon enough; for his voice, the nectar so fragrant to Nigel’s overly sensitive proboscis, had haunted him, hooked him.

Ever since Gabi divorced him and left with the freak, weak Charlie, Nigel was always filled with anger, he felt humiliated because his woman prefered a skinny man who couldn’t even do a proper punch rather than him who was much taller and bigger, shrewd in every fight, even became leader of the ruling gang in Bucharest. Gabi said he loved him but when Nigel became transparent and allowed his beloved wife to get to know him better, she left.

That afternoon Nigel was venting his disappointment over his embarrassing love story to a man of a gang in California—this town was not exactly his playground but Nigel was so famous for having enemies everywhere—when two tougher men came and gang up on him. He ended up with a severe cut running along his ribs and Adam came along, becoming the presence Nigel used to hold onto consciousness. He couldn’t die, not in the trash, not in California.

***

Nigel smoked his cigarette, his shoulder against the wall in the alley where he had met Adam a week ago. It was the same hour and he knew the younger would soon be on this road. His calculation wasn’t wrong, Adam crossed the road in the next half hour and Nigel, smiling, intercepted the said man. It’s enough to make Adam stopped and remembered the faded gold hair. “Hi, Gabi.” His eyes dimmed against the roll of tobacco stuck between Nigel’s lips. “In case no one has told you, smoking is one of the biggest causes of death in the world. You can get asthma, lung infections, oral cancer, throat cancer, lung cancer, heart attack, stroke, dementia, erectile dysfunction, “

“I’m not fucking impotent, handsome.” Nigel was still smiling, his body looming before Adam who looked so dwarfed compared to him. Adam was silent, his fingers moving in his own world, keeping him aware that he was all right; the way Nigel spoke was not friendly at all.

Adam reached into the bag that was hanging over his shoulder, then showed Nigel the gold necklace he had given. “Did you wash my handkerchief?” He asked, which made Nigel laugh. Adam was a freak, no more than Charlie, but at least Adam didn’t take off Nigel’s. Didn’t Adam return the necklace?

Nigel took out a white handkerchief embroidered around the edges, exchanging it for the necklace Adam was holding. “This is real gold, you can make money selling it.” He said, highlighting the other person who immediately put the handkerchief into the coat he was wearing.

Adam nodded. “Then just sell it.”

“You have this necklace for a week, why didn’t you sell it?”

“Oh. No one would want to buy it. The back, it’s deformed because you carved your name on it.”

“My name is Nigel, by the way. Gabi was my damned dog, and hell I loved her so fucking much that I carved her name here.” Nigel wrapped the necklace back around his neck, guiding Adam to a dancer curving along his artery to his sturdy collarbone. Adam gave a second confused nod. _Damned dog and hell?_ He thought, clutched his bag and looked away at the street behind Nigel’s broad shoulders.

Nigel tilted his head back to the direction Adam was looking at, and got the point. “Where is the apartment?”

“At the end of this street, third floor. I can put my telescope in front of the window and spend the night stargazing until I feel sleepy, staying on the highest floor has a lot of advantages but it’s a bit difficult to clean the outside of the window. Have you ever tried stargazing?”

“Never. But I feel like trying it now.”

Adam smiled happily, there was still some nervousness there but talk of things he liked made it slowly disappear. “Today the sky is clear and the visitors were enjoying the short tour I guided earlier. There are many things we can find in the sky when the day is this good, maybe some giant planets will appear and flash at you,”

“Take me to your heaven, my angel. Take me to see the beautiful things that made you.”

Again, Adam fell silent, taking a long look at Nigel. He was always not very good at digesting expressions and would definitely get confused. “My father is in heaven, but I’m still here.”

“For fuck's sake, look how cute you are, my heady little lover. Nobody’s ever flirted you before, eh?”

Adam still couldn’t get Nigel’s words, so he immediately stepped past the spot where Nigel was standing and Nigel went after him. Adam didn’t seem to mind, he probably agreed to let Nigel stop by and teach him things about astronomical tools and the extraterrestrial presence that filled his head and could explode at any time if he didn’t take them out. Nigel, behind him, threw away the cigarette butts and gave a smile that even he did not understand the cause.

— Adam didn’t sell his necklace. Adam didn’t tease him with a filthy, gross nonsense like the women in Bucharest who were often naked did and he had not met any woman in California. Rachel? She was the one Nigel took with him wherever he went. Rachel was his personal doctor as long as his life was still being threatened every day, every moment. And she’s not Californian, of course.

Arriving at the apartment, Adam quickly dashed into his room, systematically changing clothes and providing dinner, asking Nigel to sit down, waiting for him to finish with his routine. Adam was used to living by the rules his father made, rules that kept Adam focused and organized so that he wouldn’t be overwhelmed with himself. He would be very annoyed when something went outside his habit or calculations, making him always had to be informed in advance if something in his life would change. He even had to ask Harlan about the changes that had happened because of himself; Adam would always need someone, an NT, to hold on to.

“Looks like you’re the only one hungry here, beautiful.” Nigel voiced as Adam sat nearby with a plate of chicken-broccoli and a glass of water. Adam of course did not understand the sarcasm, he continued to eat his meal until he heard Nigel laugh. “Where can I get a fucking drink for myself?”

“In the refrigerator. I’ll get it, wait here.” Removing the fork and spoon from his hands, Adam got up, returned to the refrigerator where he took a pack of chicken and broccoli earlier to hand an impressed Nigel a bottle of mineral water.

As Adam finished his meal, Nigel could not help staring at the man. Now he knew what his senses warned, what was special about Adam, about the person’s insensitivity to situations, his nervousness in interactions. Nigel understood that now and still, his expression did not change, he kept showing his smile, enjoying the sight of Adam chewing in front of him.

This was not the first time Nigel had met someone with Asperger Syndrome, one of Rachel’s patients was suffering from the same thing and he looked fine, very healthy, but not very friendly. Nigel was infuriated at times when Rachel dealt with that Aspie, but Rachel was much more furious at the clueless Nigel. Just then Rachel yelled at him, asking him not to act childishly beyond the Asperger sufferers themselves and that was enough to make Nigel understand the patient’s condition.

Adam was no different, but Nigel wasn’t going to be childish this time.


	2. How They Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From how Nigel frowned, Adam knew that   
>  _  
>  his man  
>  _  
>  was feeling very, very good.

On the few occasions when Nigel didn’t go out to smuggle drugs or firearms, stargazing was what occupied his time. Adam happily became his personal guide even though Nigel was more awed by the radiant face explaining those theories than the knowledge itself. No longer need a cover-up, Nigel did have eyes for the thirty-year-old Asperger, who turned out to be much easier to smile about than rambling Rachel; Nigel just had to say ‘yes’ to every offer that came from Adam and Adam would be the happiest man of the day.

Their friendship had been going on for almost two months now (not really, considering Nigel’s job required a lot of traveling) and Nigel was becoming increasingly aggressive in expressing that his interest in Adam was more than a need to make friends. Nigel was very aware of the fact that he was sexually attracted to the younger, to his lean frame which sometimes stood still every time Nigel put him in a complicated conversation about his success in Bucharest. But Adam was just too awkward, too honest, and too innocent to understand that Nigel was throwing him off with signals that his outspoken brain couldn’t process.

One day, Nigel, bringing with him a miniature solar system that Adam might have liked, was struck by how messy the man’s apartment was. He did not find Adam in the living room as he usually waited for Nigel to arrive, nor did he be in the kitchen arranging the contents of his refrigerator. Putting down the gift he had brought, Nigel walked across the living room to the bedroom; there Adam covered his ears with both hands, turning his head in all directions but Nigel. He was growling, closing and opening his eyes, looking for something in his head that might calm him down.

Nigel paused at the entrance, gripping the door handle, staring at Adam. After rectifying his own wits, he walked over to Adam who started throwing books and small pots from the edge of the window, rejecting him. And the older man, with his thunderous voice and piercing gaze, crossed his arms over his own chest, embraced himself. “Calm down, Adam. Hands on your chest and inhale. Do like me.”

“I’m not stupid. Don’t ask me to do what you want!” But despite his words, Adam realized, Nigel was handling him like Harlan did. He might be wondered how and when Nigel learned about it but his anger was the center of his focus now.

“Adam.”

“Stop calling, you hurt my ears!”

Nigel’s two strong hands moved, grasping Adam’s shoulders so firmly that he felt as if Nigel was swallowing him alive. “Calm down and look at me, Adam!” His voice seemed to force Adam’s restlessness out and threw it away; his body continued to shake in Nigel’s grasp and his throat was having trouble controlling the incoming air but Adam stopped screaming, his eyes rolled up to Nigel; from his muscular shoulders to the dancer at the side of his neck, to the traces of his beard, and to his candy caramelized eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong?” As we all know, Nigel was impulsive and the ruckus that Adam made seemed to flare his temper up, which he regretted soon after. He sighed, looking at the teary blue eyes, hands weakened on the shoulders, staring wistfully at Adam’s always combed hair.

It looked so soft and well groomed. He imagined how Adam would have to take care of himself, alone, in his condition. What was on Adam’s mind when he cooked every meal? What was in his mind when he buttoned his shirt and combed his hair, thinking that he was like most (normal) people? Did Adam know what was wrong with him? Has he ever regretted his situation?

Another sigh escaped as Nigel scooped Adam into his arms, hugging him tight but gently, landing his nose on the strands of the now-messy curls—true, Adam’s hair was very soft. Nor did Adam refuse, he, still trembling, rested his forehead against Nigel’s chest, breathing quietly there. Adam loved this kind of contact, which made him feel accepted, feel safe, feel cared for.

Nigel gave him all that feeling.

Adam himself didn’t understand how Nigel did it or why he could do it better than Harlan. Usually this would took longer but the two hands on his shoulders made him feel calm in an instant; Nigel’s presence made the atmosphere around him convey security and protection, making him sure that yes, he was all right.

“They say, they say I’m stupid. But I’m, I’m not.”

“Of course you are not.” _What the fuck, who was the fucking asshole saying that to this beautiful, innocent angel of mine?_ “And ‘they’ who?” Asked Nigel, inhaling deeply, maintaining his sanity. But if there were other people with them now, the Nigel who ‘maintained his sanity’ would not be the Nigel who seemed friendly—well, only Gabi and Adam were lucky to had the privilege of being treated friendly by him though.

Adam could have told Nigel about a group of brats making fun of him when he happily explained his favorite part about outer space. As everyone knew, it would be hard for Adam to stop after starting and the kids were calling him weird, geeky, alien maniac. For Adam it was more an insult, as if the knowledge he had learned was meaningless. Adam felt he was being called a fool. He was stupid. He hated being stupid because he was not.

But in reality, Adam just silent still, didn’t give Nigel any further answer since he was busy stopping the sniffling while something inside his head was still raging; that was the same thing Nigel felt when Gabi betrayed his trust and left him, letting him swallowed up all the shattered hope, hurting him with its sharp shards. That was a feeling of humiliation that tarnished self-esteem, an anger that had to be kept. Adam might never know that part of Nigel’s life, but Nigel knew very well what Adam went through.

Caressing Adam’s back, Nigel leaned his cheek against the younger man’s forehead, hugging him protectively, trying to circulate calm. Adam wouldn’t give him the answer, his mind wouldn’t. He was not able to describe the words his mouth could speak for Nigel even though maybe the faces of those brats crossed his memory; his mouth just wouldn’t, couldn’t say anything. Nigel understood the condition and he asked no other question; they ended up cuddling on the bed with Nigel whispering comforting words that he thought Adam would love to hear to help him feel better.

Nigel didn’t mind, though. Adam might not be able to tell him about those mischievous youngsters who were fond of using new vocabulary trended in their teenage years. Maybe that was fun. But sooner or later, Nigel would find them and make reckoning.

“Hey,” Adam muttered after nearly an hour of curling in Nigel’s big, firm arms. There were no more painful popping in his head, his sobs had gradually subsided, and his mind began to stabilize.

“Feeling well now, handsome?”

“Hey, Nigel. Nigel.”

“I can hear you.”

“I,” He stuttered. “I have to know if we are having the same thoughts about each other.”

Nigel frowned, not really catching Adam’s point (even though it was literally what he meant).

“Did that excite you?” Adam asked doubtfully.

“Outer space?”

“Stargazing.”

Nigel raised his eyebrows, unable to guess where Adam would direct their conversation but it didn’t hurt to wait. Maybe this could work as distraction. “Yes, I always enjoyed it with you. Of course I was excited.”

Slowly, Adam stretched his arms, loosening from the embrace. His eyes glanced at Nigel’s. “That made you sexually excited?”

And Nigel went silent. Did he really hear Adam talk about sex or was he fantasizing things?

“Nigel, do… Do you understand?”

“Do I turn you on, my love?”

“What does that mean, Nigel? I’m not a light.”

“You want to have sex with me?”

It’s Adam’s turn to be silent. He looked hesitant but then nodded. See, aspergerians were always more honest and that was no exception on any topic. They didn’t have to throw senseless flirtations that sometimes made Nigel preferred masturbate rather than to fuck one of those cheap bitches in Bucharest; they were straightforward and knew exactly what they want. 

Nigel experimented: he lowered his head to land a soft kiss on Adam’s cheek and to everyone’s surprise, Adam quickly cupped the older man’s neck with both hands, leading him to another kiss as the response—on the lips, this time. Oh, of course Nigel wanted it, maybe worse than Adam did. He always wanted to land his lips on that skin, on every curve of that body, to hear the sounds that signaled his victory.

Kiss after kiss, touch to caress, breath to moan. They were drowning into a moment where both parties began to desire something more; more challenging, more daring, and more erotic, expressing their thirst for one another in more detail. Leading the game was nothing new to Nigel and he always dominated by nature, while the clumsy, lust-ridden Adam tended to go with the flow.

It went smooth and great at first but sex with Adam would’t be as easy as any other sex Nigel ever had; they were confronted with Adam’s tantrum when Nigel didn’t allow him to penetrate. Nigel had never made love to a man before but he knew very well what to do while Adam was only thinking about his own pleasure, he had to feel good as soon as he felt the need; he had to pursue the orgasm he wanted but Nigel prevented it.

Adam understood the difference in male and female anatomy, he knew Nigel didn’t have what Bethany had. He knew quite well that men could do it another way, but Nigel was not one to accept events that would make him feel degraded. And in his opinion, to be fucked was something that required submission and oh, Nigel wasn’t born for that. Nigel tried to help, though. He tried to give a blow job but Adam was not one to take surprises; he didn’t understand why Nigel kissed his cock and it disgusted him.

This was what angered him and kicked Nigel out.

***

“Suddenly?”

“Just fucking tell me.” Nigel massaged his forehead and his voice indicated an obvious irritation. He had just asked Rachel to teach him how to deal with Aspergerians, which of course shocked her, wondered what caused it.

Rachel shrugged, rubbing ointment on the rash on her friend’s eyebrow—Nigel had just finished his ‘job’ yesterday when he heard a group of teenagers gossiping and laughing in front of Adam’s apartment, occasionally looking at the window; a group of teenagers which then found beaten up at the hands of Bucharest gang’s leader after they confessed what they did to Adam. So there they finished, learned the lesson they deserved, and were subjected to an outlet for Nigel’s anger. “Well, you have to make a list of rules and introduce it to the Aspie. They don’t like sudden changes, it makes them panic.”

Nigel froze, his head replaying the incident five days ago when he and Adam were supposed to be having amazing sex—but the blue eyed man’s confuseness became the buggers. This was it, this was the cause of Adam’s sudden mood swings that day; Adam might like the idea of  oral sex, but Nigel had to give him the knowledge first. “They can disagree on that list, can they?”

“They can. You need to do it carefully and slowly, Nigel. Let them understand, then let them become curious. Everything will work well if there is no compulsion.”

“I never did.”

“You have to know that a sufferer cannot position themselves in another point of view but theirs. They have empathy, but they can’t do anything, they don’t know what to do, they don’t know what’s good for other people. You must understand and accept their nature.”

“Ah.” Nigel replied indifferently, inhaled his cigarette then exhaled the smoke little by little, eyes fixed on the table under his feet, busy wondering what Adam might be doing alone in his apartment; Nigel had not visited Adam since that day, part of him feeling guilty while the other feeling angry.

Again he understood that his anger was impulsive, he should not get too emotional at Adam’s every reaction that he himself didn’t know the impact; Adam never meant to hurt other people, he was just being blunt because he thought it was the right thing to do. And Aspergerians were always unable to properly synchronize the deeds between their mind and body.

“There’s one thing I’ve noted about Aspies,” Rachel added. “which might interest you.”

“What?” Seventh cig stuck between Nigel’s lips as he was busy looking for the lighter.

“When you find them willing to do whatever it takes to keep in touch with you, to see you,” Packing her meds back from the table, Rachel sent him a knowing smile. “congrats, Nigel. They love you.”

Harlan was giving Adam his regular visits, making sure that his best friend’s son was living well and it seemed the observatory was the perfect work environment for Adam. Harlan sat next to the guy whose eyes staring downward, kicking the air in front of them. He knew this man so well, he knew something was filling his mind, he knew something was happening. “Did you meet someone?”

“Someone?” Asked Adam, the kick stopped.

“Are you dating someone?” Harlan hummed, scanning the figure next to him.

Adam shook his head.

“Then, you like someone?”

And this one, Adam didn’t react. He froze in place, staring at his toes. He was thinking very hard to answer and Harlan wouldn’t mind not knowing it as long as Adam knew exactly what he wanted. There were so many things in his head he wanted to express, he wanted to have the ability to communicate, to convey his heart without imposing a will, to understand others. He wanted to tell Harlan that the man was right about him liking someone, but even himself did not understand what this ‘liking’ he felt for Nigel meant.

Adam walked Harlan off to the terrace after a short conversation about his late father when they were in Adam’s age, sat on the steps at the front of the entrance, looking out at the street after Harlan left with his old car. Today Adam didn’t need to work, evenings on weekends were the perfect time for people watching.

For a few moments he enjoyed the activity but when his feet started tapping the footing, Adam got up and left. He walked down the street to the shopping center then headed back up, walked over to the observatory, and stopped at a familiar alleyway. He crouched there, eyebrows furrowed in the bright sun, playing with his fingers. He might have been here by instinct, he just wanted to come and remember how Nigel looked and how shiny his gold necklace was in the afternoon. His blue lens rolled upward, looking away at the sky that lost confidence when it met Adam’s brilliant pair of eyes.

Adam wanted to see Nigel so badly, but too bad Nigel never told him where he lived and too bad Nigel didn’t show up there like Adam thought he would do.

Nigel still hadn’t come and it was Adam’s third day waiting at the front of the alley. The couch at the end of the way had been hauled off by the garbage picker and Adam could hardly feel Nigel’s presence at all—that couch had made Adam think Nigel was there just like when they first met. In his hand, an orrery (which he got from a visitor) reflected the sun’s rays with excitement, making it looked even more beautiful and Adam smiled happily. It was as if the object was entertaining him, inviting him to chat and throwing jokes he could easily understand.

Hours passed, Adam was getting hungry. He got up, hugged his bag, and went home. He was sad that Nigel no longer wanted to see him, the times they spent together were his favorite and knowing that Nigel was always listening to what he had to say made him feel good, feel important, feel special. Even Harlan didn’t make him feel that way, instead always asking him to talk like the NTs and stop describing planets. His heart ached as if someone was grabbing his heart, stepping on his ribs, making him short of breath. He was depressed and this was not good; He would again destroy something in his house tonight.

“Good evening, charming.” Nigel, standing at the doorstep with one hand shoved in his trouser pocket, smiled at Adam who had just arrived. Before the railing, Adam fell silent, his eyes fixed on Nigel, at his proud chest, at the tattoo on his neck, and at the gleaming golden mane. “You’re a little late today. Working overtime?”

Adam squeezed his own hand in a fist, forgot the bag he was holding and let it fall. Nigel raised an eyebrow, a little confused. He was just about to confirm when Adam walked quickly and bumped into him, wrapping his arms around the startled Nigel. Oh, Adam might hate surprises, but Nigel didn’t. He loved how Adam took him back to the years when Gabi drove him crazy; he returned that youthful feeling to Nigel, a passionate one that sometimes made him do stupid things, an overwhelming one that sometimes made him lost his mind, and Nigel gladly admitted that Adam made him a little childish, a little too eager to express his once-present craving.

“I’m sorry about that time.”

“Well, my dear, I made my mistake too. I’m sorry.” Nigel rubbed his nose in the curls of Adam’s hair who’s still keeping his head down, sinking himself into Nigel’s protective embrace. “I miss you, Adam.”

Adam tiptoed, grabbed Nigel by the nape and brought him low so they could kiss. Adam liked to feel loved, he liked Nigel who didn’t make much ado, he liked Nigel who always had the same thoughts with him, making it easy for him to understand every situation. With Nigel he was less nervous, less awkward, less anything. He could be himself and Nigel wouldn’t complain about that. Nigel never did.

“Take the key and open the door for us, sweetheart.” Nigel ordered as he landed another kiss on Adam’s cheekbone and on the corner of his lips while the said man chuckling happily in his arms. After replying in a quiet ‘ok’, Adam did as Nigel asked him to do. As soon as the door opened, Nigel lifted Adam by the waist and carried him to the third floor. There was no resistance, just laughter that seemed to shower Nigel with ‘thank you’. Nigel’s treatment made Adam feel normal, the normality that always went well with his father; Nigel did the things his father did that no one else cared about.

“I went to the alley.” Said Adam when they arrived at the living room. Nigel took off his shoes and arranged them on the shelf as Adam did, then followed over to the sofa where Adam sat quietly with hands on his thighs. A smile still appeared on his face and nothing in the room could take Nigel’s eyes off him. “I didn’t work overtime. Since Saturday, I always waited there.”

“Look how sweet you are, my star. You really want to see me, don’t you?” Nigel drew close, letting their shoulders touch. Adam turned to him, nodding in agreement.

“I read and did research on what you did to me when we were supposed to be making love back then. And I got it, and,” Adam paused to swallow, hesitantly (which Nigel saw more appropriately as shyly) looked the older man’s eyes. His smile did not go away, demanding that Nigel continue to adore him. “Can we do it?”

Nigel growled, his hands moving to grab Adam’s slender waist and leading him to lie flat on the sofa. Adam’s smile was disappearing for seconds because of his confusion over what Nigel was trying to do, but it returned when Nigel showered his face with new series of gentle kisses. Adam liked this so much he let Nigel did what he wanted.

The thin lips surrounded by clean shaved beard landed on Adam’s jaw and neck, his skin was as perfect as how it looked: soft and moist, very well cared and Nigel could sniff out a hint of flowers there. ‘Is that his soap? What’s his favorite product?’ And Nigel enjoyed his own time to worship each of Adam’s curves, which were revealed one by one when Adam was ‘ethically’ stripped by him. Adam had felt this, how Nigel expressed his delight by leaving many imprints on his most secret spots and he loved the tingling sensation whenever Nigel made a loud kissing or sucking sound. Spread the legs to each side, Nigel put his shoulders just under Adam’s plump ass, busy showering the said man with his ever-unique compliments and calls, kissing his navel, trailing his pubic hair further down to his hips and Adam jumped slightly, something rippling from his toes to his hips, centered on the area which was against Nigel’s breath.

“Nigel?” Adam called out, his cheeks flushed and the ocean in his eyes seemed to be tide, reflecting the glittering stars in his mind. Nigel replied in hoarse voice, drifting into his lust and drunk over Adam’s addictive skin. There Adam’s penis nodded, rubbing against Nigel’s cheek. “I want it, Nigel. I won’t scold you.”

“I know, honey.” Nigel smiled against Adam’s inner thigh, kissed it slightly before continuing on to the redden balls. As he had done with the rest of Adam’s body, Nigel kissed there, once, twice, thrice, many times that Adam became unable to lay still. Nigel grabbed the length that was starting to harden in front of him, pumping it up and down while he pampered the twins underneath with his mouth. Adam began to whine, his breath becoming loud and fast, his hips twitching every time Nigel’s tongue touched him. Getting oral on Adam was just as easy as doing it on Gabi; only differences in form, after all, Adam was still human and Nigel understood his body as well as he knew his own—he knew what to do to make Adam feel good the way he wanted.

Adam became a moaning mess the time Nigel took his cock in his mouth and his finger dug into Adam’s pink, winking rim. Nigel was filled with self-confidence and pride—oh, yes he was good at sex—every time Adam made a sound or trembled, it was telling him that he was doing well without Adam having to describe it. He wanted Adam to be less anxious when they were together, he wanted Adam to feel different with him.

Nigel wanted to be everything Adam thought about.

He was so flattered to know that Adam was waiting for him at the alley, hoping to see him coming. It was enough for him to know how much Adam wanted to see him, miss him, even if it was just for the sex. After all, Adam clearly needed Nigel’s presence and Nigel needed to be needed. He needed to feel reliable. He needed to feel proud. Gabi didn’t make him experienced it enough while Adam simply gave him all.

Their kisses became sloppy and messy as their bodies finally connected; Nigel’s full-length inside Adam’s ring which kept on squeezing him because of the new, strange sensation he felt. Unexpectedly, Nigel didn’t talk much when making love. He made sounds and sighed, but didn’t ask or answer. Every now and then terms like ‘my sugar’, ‘you’re so handsome’, and ‘fuck’ slipped out of his mouth while his hips pulled and pushed, thrusting into Adam repeatedly at varying speeds. Adam’s hand lodged in Nigel’s chest hairs, gripped it, admiring the look on the older man’s face. In the mist of lust, even Adam still had time to wonder if he looked like that to Bethany’s eyes back then.

If Adam was able to express himself better, he would probably screamed at how lucky he was to make a man as hot as Nigel want him; just look at those arms, which enclosed each side of Adam’s body with bulging veins spread along it, became a support for him who was busy moving between Adam’s legs, constantly poked Adam’s sensitive spot to give them the pleasure they demanded. And look at that face, so handsome and intoxicating even though he was sweating and panting, eyes dimmed, blurred in lust; an appearance that only Gabi and Adam could witness.

From how Nigel frowned, Adam knew that  _ his man _ was feeling very, very good.

And he was proud of it.

Nigel thought the same way too, that he was lucky to have Adam’s attention, one that hid no other purpose than curiosity and desire. Adam was not going to take advantage of Nigel’s feelings, use him as a shield or something to show off, which women before Gabi did many times. Nigel only wanted something sincere, something true, an honesty, because his affection was always as simple as his dream to make his loved ones happy. Gabi loved him and maybe she wanted to help Nigel make that dream come true, but unfortunately, Charlie came and took away the happiness he could have been had. Now Nigel didn’t care whether Adam was an Aspergerian or had some other condition, as long as Adam was honest, Nigel would always crave his presence. Adam was the one for Nigel’s never complicated love.

Nigel lay down on the bed, his two big hands gripping Adam’s waist as if it was a thin weightless object, pulling Adam to sit on his lap. Adam groaned when Nigel’s cock buried further inside him in this position, his body trembling and his hands clawing on Nigel’s hairy chest. He adjusted to his ‘seat’, croaking hesitantly as every movement made him whine. “Come here, sweetheart. You can do it.” Said Nigel, voice very low Adam’s hearing almost missed it.

Adam gasped, tried to continue the session, making Nigel’s shoulders a place for his hands to rest. But Nigel didn’t feel anything, his cock just stuck still in there and the squeezes from Adam’s wall surrounding him wasn’t enough; he wanted Adam to move while he was more to humping against Nigel’s stomach rather than bouncing, pumping the erection.

Throwing an admiring look, Nigel slowly traced Adam’s stomach with his fingertips, moved further down and splayed his palm on the area under his navel, above his hardened cock. Adam shuddered, his shoulders twitched and his moaning falters. “Can you feel it? I’m right here, inside of you.” Nigel smiled softly, he sounded like hot honey that had melted the tongue: sweet and burning. “Move, my dear. Make me feel good again.”

“I’m moving—”

Nigel pressed Adam’s waist down and pushed his own hips up, thrusting his cock toward the specific spot that made Adam whimper uncontrollably. Adam could clearly see how stars and Saturn flickered at him in the clear sky in his mind, his heart was beating very fast and his body was getting hotter, feeling very helpless and very demanding at the same time. He wanted more, he wanted Nigel’s craziness, driving him to the sanity he could barely peek through. “Up and down, let me in and pull me out, just like that.”

The encouragement that Nigel kept on saying worked well: Adam began to move his hips, rocking it up and down like Nigel told him to, clenching his cock inside. Nigel, with both hands still clinging to Adam’s waist, watched as Adam’s shyness gradually disappeared as their movements intensified. He licked his lips, focused on their clashing bodies and Adam couldn’t help but kiss him, sipped on it, gasping against each other. From his point of view, Adam could see the remnants of Nigel’s heyday in his youth, handsome and playful, the previously undrinkled corners perfectly shaping every curve of Nigel’s face; he was looked like a flawless art, sculpted by the most genius artist ever known in history.

Adam couldn’t stop, he didn’t want to. He loved how desperate Nigel was down there, pushing his hips in the opposite direction from Adam’s every roll, making a nice impact that made them moaned even messier. The stars kept popping up in Adam’s eyes and his ears began to hear the buzz between the planets, stealing his consciousness from the moment. But when Nigel said something like “My dear, my generous prince, you make me feel very good.” and “I love it, sweetie.”, the consciousness was quickly returned.

“Nigel,” He sighed heavily, his head flung upward, eyes squeezed closed, arms twitched pushing Nigel down as he reached his orgasm. Nigel, who seemed never tired, kept rolling his hip, heeded his coming by trying to reach his own too. It worked, he splurted his contents into the rubber wrapped around his shaft (Adam had prepared everything they needed. Wow) without pulling it out of Adam’s still squeezing, tight hole.

Nigel cocked his head, arranging his breath, watching the masterpiece he and his angel created: there’s Adam, naked with semen on his belly, became a sight Nigel would never tire of seeing. The curly haired man opened his eyes, lowered down slightly to see their still joined hips, then glanced at Nigel with the deadly whirlpool in his eyes. His hand moved over Nigel’s broad shoulder, giving it a questionable squeeze. “Nigel?”

“Still alive, angel.”

“One more?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter~ I hope you enjoy this noob smut scene ;;; v ;;;  
> I accept criticism and suggestions, so feel free to comment, ok? I really need your opinion ^~^)/
> 
> Thank you for reading this chapter too!


	3. Nigel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Aren’t we friends who understand each other? I hope our relationship can always be this good, huh, Steven?” The cellphone that he had put on the table was now buried in the pocket of his faded blue jeans. Nigel stood up, tidying up his never tidy polo shirt—when did he ever button his collar again?—and still smiling pleasantly at Schlegel even as he turned around toward the door. “Fucking call the police and you’ll find out what Titus is capable of doing. Farewell, my best friend.”

“Exchanging ‘I love you’ when I make you happy and vice versa.” Nigel added a new line to the list while Adam watched beside him.

“Why?”

“Because it can make me happy too. Aren’t you happy when I told you that, my flower?” Since their umpteenth extraordinary sex, Nigel had been collecting more and more nicknames for Adam. Then Adam, casually, had introduced Nigel as his lover to every acquaintance who saw them spending time together (sometimes Nigel—who was too quick to miss his _little_ guy—went to pick up Adam at the Observatory, chatted with some of his coworkers, then took him out for dinner or to a market to buy supplies of macaroni-cheese and chicken-broccoli). If that didn’t explain enough, it meant Nigel and Adam were now dating.

Nigel painstakingly avoided the contents of the list that might make it difficult for his boyfriend, he did not necessarily normalize an Asperger sufferer to act like neurotypicals just because he thought he had a little understanding of their point of view. If Adam could follow this list well, Nigel would be quite content. After all, this was also a guide so that Adam was not nervous if one day Nigel had to fly out of town or even return to Bucharest to take care of ‘his business’, so that Adam knew what he had to do to keep himself calm and stable when Nigel was not around.

After two weeks together (and several days of regular visits during which Nigel rested on the sofa, brooding as he gazed at the projections of nebulae and stars on the living room ceiling), Nigel learned that Adam acquired a new habit: kissing the dancer. Adam also loved kissing the hair that grew all the way down to Nigel’s chest, sniffing him, rubbing his cheek against it, making himself ticklish—and erect—while Nigel was busy teasing him. Some people might think this was gross and disgusting but Nigel didn’t mind, he was happy because it all indicated that Adam had a great desire for him.

Adam loved the affection he got from Nigel so much, it was what he had always needed, which no one but his father had ever realized. Even Bethany didn’t make Adam feel loved as badly as Nigel did; Nigel was the fastest step Adam took among the many things going through his head. Basically, Adam was just very much in love, the most complicated feeling for him to describe yet Nigel always understood well besides his sharp tongue, which easily hurt Adam and also easily healed him. Hopefully no one would forget that impulsivity was the easiest thing to find in Nigel, one of the most sensitive triggers among the others.

“Oh ok.” Adam nodded, looking at Nigel who was staring at him in awe. “Hi, Nigel. I love you.”

Nigel blinked, letting the pen stuck between his fingers slipped off to the paper while his eyes scrutinized Adam’s meaning, making sure he heard the words correctly. “Feeling happy, handsome?”

“You, you,” Adam began to stutter. He took a breath and swallowed hard. “You’re here, Nigel. And… And,” It’s always going to be like this every time Adam tried to convey how he felt. All he had to do was letting the man know that he was happy, that he loved Nigel the way he just confessed, but his brain always came up with other, more logical and heartless statements. “It makes me happy. Yes.” _I want you to know how much you make me happy every day, I want you to know that I love you and want you to stay here with me_.

“Good,” Nigel smiled. “Very good, my love. I love you, too.” _You’ve tried, my darling. Don’t worry, nothing will change between us_.

Oh seriously, what if Nigel made Adam even happier when he already said his part? Should he say “I love you” again and never stop?

***

“You killed people and you were targeted by those who hoped at the news of your death.” Rachel spoke fiercely, reminding Nigel of his ‘job’. She already knew who the person who made Nigel want to learn about Aspergers (Rachel bumped into them one day at an expensive restaurant) and became very angry when he casually said that the curious blue-eyed Aspie was his crush, replacing Gabi. “You’re putting him in danger, Nigel, for God’s sake.”

Nigel laughed, blowing the smoke between his teeth and from his nose. “I put him in my heart and mind. Watch your words.”

“And you are dangerous too.”

“Ok.” Raising an eyebrow in contrived indifference, Nigel put out the cigarette that was perched on his lips against the ashtray on the table. He didn’t like it when people thought they understood his situation better than himself, as if they could read his filled-with-secrets-and-surprises mind; oh really, Nigel didn’t like it when his surprise was prematurely exposed. “If you’re so worried about it, Rachel. What a coincidence, I have to return to Bucharest this Sunday.”

Rachel took a deep breath. In front of her, Nigel got out of his chair and stood in front of the window of their large, luxury apartment, looking out at the bustle of the city under the scorching sun. California looked different at night when the streets were filled with blinking colorful lights that steal the show; a sassy, materialist seducer. While they were in America, Rachel and Nigel would lived in the same place, but no worries because the man almost never used their bed unless his body was in danger of having to be amputated.

“I commissioned you to visit Adam,” Nigel lit another cigarette, inhaled slowly, staring at Rachel’s reflection in the window still with a smile on his face. “Be good friends with him and make sure he’ll be all right. I hope your worries don’t raise any objections to this, Dr. Loving Rachel.”

“Are you kidding.” Rachel complained. She really had forgotten what she had done so that she ended up under the power of a gangster like now, especially a gangster named Nigel who was impatient and low-tempered. But even so, Nigel was still the boss, the one who contributed to her life and Rachel couldn’t act like they never had good memories.

Adam was watching a space documentary his father gave him when the doorbell rang. He looked at the clock, it was too early on the weekend for anyone besides Nigel to come and last night Nigel had told him he was going abroad for a week. Then whose visit was this?

“Harlan?” Adam asked from behind the door as his hands moved to unlock. As soon as the door opened, he immediately caught a red haired woman, standing there, smiling kindly at him. He remembered that face, the person who had greeted Nigel in the restaurant the day he had presented with the new sweater, the one that had become Adam’s favorite.

Rachel might not seem like it but she was an obedient woman who admired Nigel as her boss. She might often scolded the polo shirts fan who sometimes forgot to shave but there was still a sense of reluctance when they had to be involved in something professionally; Nigel was not joking when he asked Rachel to look after Adam while he finished business in Rome, which was the reason Rachel had appeared here now. “Hi, Adam. This is Rachel, can I come in?”

“Hi, Rachel. Yes, yes.” Adam smiled, opening the door a little wider for the woman to step in. Rachel shot her gaze across the room and shook her head at the fact that Nigel did spend a lot of time in this place, with a man who had a charming smile—and had a condition. She knew it from a miniature solar system sitting prettily on the coffee table, the thing she had seen Nigel bought a while ago and made her wonder if the man had banged his head on something. She knew it by the presence that filled her own hotel room whenever Nigel came to visit, the brief hours that left with a great impression. Adam’s residence was more like Nigel’s nest than an ordinary apartment now.

Adam let his guest waited in the living room for a few moments and returned with a bottle of soda. Rachel couldn’t be more embarrassed than this: Nigel even filled Adam’s refrigerator with his favorite brand of drinks. Well, this was better than beer, she’d be furious and maybe kick Nigel’s ass if that man dared to keep alcohol in Adam’s apartment. _Seriously! “_ Thank you, very impressive.”

“Yes.” Adam sipped the tea in his own mug, either waiting for Rachel to say something about her visit or not thinking about anything at all. But Rachel was not the one who would complain about the way Adam treated his guests, instead she complimented Adam on how he welcomed her, giving her a drink even though grape tasting soda might not be the right thing to accompany their awkward meeting. Hell knew what Nigel was thinking when he bought a fruity soda like that, maybe he thought it was to Adam’s taste? “So, Rachel,”

“Yes?” Rachel cleared her throat, getting back to reality after spending some time complaining over Nigel inside her mind.

“Do you want to see stars?”

In a grand building with large courtyards and heavy guard, Nigel sat smoking a cigar. The collar of his shirt was left unbuttoned while the pink coat that contrasted his skin tone seemed to be barking for attention. In front of him sat another person, black glasses covering his vision, and gold jewelry on each end of his body; Nigel just delivered this guy a supply of firearms and a few bags of drugs for fun. The man took a sip of his drink, finishing a glass of vodka in an instant. He had entrusted Nigel with leading a branch of his gang since before he married Gabi and from the start, his departure to California was not out of a heartbreak that needed consolation, but an order to find the boss’s new money laundering ground. “What’s good in California?”

“West Cola. I love the way they shortened Coconut Island to a fucking co-la.” Nigel laughed lopsidedly, between praise and mockery, you wouldn’t know which. But it made perfect sense since the nightclub owner was of Hawaiian descent.

“Clean?”

“I always come there and your old friend, who boasts a lot, has negotiated with the manager. You want me to play recklessly or casually?” Nigel chewed on his cigar as he spoke, refilling Jack’s glass with the fragrant vodka. Jack seemed satisfied with the reaction he was getting, he was glad Nigel never disappointed him once.

“Playing neatly is what I want to refer to you. You know you can take your men to California to handle this.” Jack lifted his refilled glass and took a sip again, tasting the richness of the liquid and sighing as if he had a hard day, comforted by the mere fermentation of rice. Nigel laughed, admitting that his actions were more impulsive and unplanned to the point that sometimes things could go beyond calculation and sometimes cause trouble for his gang. But he would make sure not to repeat it this time, like getting used to Adam’s way of life which disliked surprises.

Their meeting didn’t last long, after the fifth glass of vodka and before Nigel poured another one, Jack cleared his throat, mentioning a series of things Nigel needed to sort out before he was sent back to America: he had to first settle some of the pending business in Bucharest. Rachel was right, Nigel killed a lot of people, used his hands for violence except for the people he loved. Rachel was right, many people from the opposing side were aiming for Nigel’s life for revenge of their defeat, but Nigel and the gang he lead were indeed that great, no one had been able to take Nigel’s life even though some of them had given souvenirs to remember for life: scars, stitch marks, and trauma. And Rachel was also right, that Nigel would bring danger to those around him because they were the ones who would be used to torture Nigel, making him kneel and begging until someone among them cut his head.

Nigel sighed, his pink coat moved to the hanger, leaving his white shirt completely unbuttoned this time, exposing his chest and stomach, and the rhythm of his breathing. In his right hand was a cigarette while in his left hand was a bottle of beer, his favorite. He could not lie to himself that Rachel’s concern had more or less influenced him too, he did not want anything bad to happen to the sweet and innocent Adam, he loved Adam like a father to his son, like a friend, and like befitting lovers who were blinded by an overwhelming sense of belonging. If he had to start working in California, if he really started it there, new enemies would be present in his life and Adam would be there. Adam would be near him, they would sniff and search. “Damn. You’re making me doubt my own abilities, Rachel.”

***

“Nigel.”

The called man hurriedly threw away his cigarette butts when Adam’s voice was heard. He arrived in California three hours ago and Adam was still working then. Oh, look at him, what wouldn’t Nigel do for that cute smile? “Hello, my darling.” He greeted, loving how excited his lover was with his hands wringing the straps of his purse and his feet were as if they were treading coals. “Come and hug me.” Asked Nigel.

The broad smile on Adam’s face lingered there while his blue eyes shared the love and joy that surged, his grip slipped from the strap so he could stretch his arms and scoop Nigel’s massive body into his tight embrace. “Hi, Nigel.”

“Hello again, sweet cheeks.” Nigel smiled, kissing the top of Adam’s head gently. It was a while before Adam arrived, his mind was still clouded by Rachel’s scolding; she quickly became Adam’s conversation partner and like any concerned doctor, Rachel loved Adam as much as she loved her legal patients. She cursed, making Nigel promise that Adam would be safe, no one would find him or using his presence to do bad things for revenge, which if violated would destroy their ‘relationship’—Rachel would stop seeing Nigel. But without needing to be warned, Nigel would not let someone from his world to touch the love of his life, he didn’t need to promise Rachel because he had promised himself that if Adam was harmed by them, Nigel would not hesitate to risk his life to find and kill the culprit with his own hands. He had failed in his relationship with Gabi and Adam was the presence that made Nigel feel alive again; he had someone to protect again, someone to come first, someone to take care of, someone he must not forget, someone to excite even though death loomed over him.

Like before, they went up to the third floor after kissing each other, entered the living room with Adam who was immediately preoccupied with his after-work routine and Nigel accompanying him—making tea because Adam had no coffee or alcohol. Afterward, once the room was tidy and dinner eaten, Adam would watch some of his favorite space documentaries before he spoiled Nigel; Nigel happily let Adam climb into his lap, hugged him, kissed him, touched him with obvious curiosity and interest. Adam was always easy to provoke, Nigel only needed to kiss his ear or stroke his thigh to make him react and want more.

Today Adam was overly excited, maybe because he missed Nigel, maybe because Nigel was wearing a new perfume, or maybe because Adam realized that his lover’s hair had grown longer than the last time they had met. Nigel pursed his lips, volunteering for attention as Adam showered his face and neck with brief kisses. He embraced the younger one, keeping their distance as close as possible, wanting Adam to remember his presence. No lie, Nigel also missed Adam as Adam missed him, wanted Adam the way Adam wanted him. They craved for each other and oh, was there any other romance that could compete with this sense of belonging between them?

“Adam, my dear, the star to my foggy sky,” Called Nigel, looking up as Adam began to greet his favorite dancer. Adam didn’t answer and Nigel understood that it would be difficult for him to steal the attention when Adam was busy doing something, especially if it was an expression of his love for the blonde man who liked to tease him. Slowly, Nigel pulled himself away, cupped Adam’s face and stared at him with the calm smile Adam loved. “I plan to invite you to go on vacation. You know, visiting nice places.”

Adam did not answer, instead kissed Nigel again and Nigel let that happen for a moment before he turned his head back from Adam’s grasp, stared at him, repeating his words slowly but firmly.

“Why do we have to go on vacation when we’re not on holiday?” Adam finally responded, making a smile that he thought would allow Nigel to let him go back to enjoying their quality time.

Nigel fell backwards, leaning on the sofa, looking admiringly at the curly haired man he adored. He stroked Adam’s cheek and cocked his head to the side, looking for a way to convince his boyfriend without lying, without making him feel insecure. Nigel could clearly hear Adam calling out to him, but he did not reply as long as his head was busy thinking and as Adam’s voice grew louder, Nigel opened his mouth. “My vacation, dear. I will be very happy if you will accompany me. Can we go together, darling?”

“But I have to work.”

“I’m going to see your boss, begging him to let you go with me. And I know he will allow.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because he’s a good person. Isn’t that right, my doll?”

“Oh ok. Ok. “ Adam nodded and yes, exactly, he immediately resumed his activities, picking up Nigel’s lips with his and this time Nigel didn’t stop him because he thought their conversation was over.

Like the other nights when Nigel chose to stay over annoying Rachel who needed some alone time, Adam would lie down on his bed with the submission he gave to his lover, leaving his legs spreaded (or sometimes clasped together, depending on Nigel’s mood) while Nigel wrapped his sturdy arms around Adam. Sometimes they were very slow, sometimes they were in a hurry. Sometimes they were very lazy, sometimes they were crazy. Could anybody imagine that all of it was under Nigel’s control? Yes, that was how he complimented Adam, who would overtake both of them from time to time, and put it out if Nigel didn’t. So actually the point here was about Adam developing a new preference in sex, a kink; praise kink. And Nigel became very, very proud of himself because he was the one helped Adam to acknowledged that, because he was the one who knew the side on which Adam became not so innocent.

Nigel and Gabi’s relationship was not haunted by sexual desire as severe as when he was with Adam. Sometimes Nigel thought about this too because compared to women who had big breasts and smoother skin texture, Adam must be far from it. No breasts, no flawless, hair-free skin—Adam had a beard. But Adam, inadvertently, made Nigel more excited, fantasized more often, filled with the desire to do sexy things which on some occasions confused Adam but on other occasions brought curiosity and impatience.

Regarding the vacation that Nigel was talking about, he intended to take Adam to Bucharest so that the whole gang would see and know Adam, he wanted them to put Adam’s safety first as they did for Nigel. Maybe it would be difficult because this didn’t make sense considering that Adam wasn’t part of their business, maybe some of them would object, or maybe Nigel should be straightforward that Adam was his lover—this would come as a surprise to many because Nigel repeatedly made fun of Charlie as a faggot and of course Nigel would not allow himself to get the same nickname. But given the position he held, who would disobey him? Give Nigel chopsticks and he would be able to use it as a killing tool; Don’t annoy him, if you weren’t Adam Raki, you’d see Nigel as someone you would never want to meet.

Adam was still preoccupied with a series of explanations about astronomical instruments to a group of students on their study tour under the head of his division supervision to be used as evaluation material when another astronomy communicator came, whispering something to the man who then switched places with him. Adam saw that, a little distracted but not bothered enough to stop babbling. _There seems to be a sudden matter that Mr. Schlegel needs to take care of so David will have to replace him_ , he thought.

“He’s in there.” Paula’s curly hair looked more matted when Schlegel arrived down the corridor leading to his office. The woman looked frantic, her eyes shining on the superintendent with a (sadly) incomprehensible gesture and Schlegel preferred to immediately see for himself what or who was waiting for him inside. Opening the door with awareness that he tried to appear normal, Schlegel saw someone sitting at his desk, staring out the window, looking completely relaxed there.

“Is there anything I can help?” He greeted, taking steps to his own chair behind the desk, immediately catching a glance at the golden-haired man and spotted a tattoo on the left side of his neck.

“Hello, I’m Nigel.” Nigel gave a light smile, drew his gaze from the window to the surface of the desk then reached out to shake Schlegel’s hand, inviting him to a polite introduction. And Schlegel welcomed him.

“Steven Schlegel.”

“The pretty lady over there directed me here when I told her I want to discuss something about Adam.” Pausing his sentence, Nigel took a breath and looked straight at Schlegel’s face. This time, the smile seemed to fade at any moment, erasing all the hospitality he was endeavoring. “Adam Raki. I assumed you were the one responsible for his performance here.”

“Right. I was evaluating him before a certain person came and required me to leave the location.”

“I fucking hope your reaction doesn’t offend me, oh dear Steven. I’ll get to the point: Adam will go with me as long as I need to and you won’t fire him or reduce his evaluation score.” Actually, Nigel was well aware that he was currently being childish by imposing his will without thinking about Adam’s future, but come on, Nigel would always get what he wanted, even if it means he had to fuss over trifles, if it could fulfill his wish, he would not object. After all, Nigel wasn’t a very nice person from the start, he was just being nice to Adam, that’s all.

“Harlan Keyes is his guardian, and you?”

Nigel pursed his lips, considered something, then took a cellphone from his pocket and punched the numeric array of its tinny buttons. Neither of the two spoke, nor did they move hastily. Schlegel just looked at Nigel with anticipation and curiosity, his brows furrowed as his mind struggled not to put up with prejudices.

A dialling sound filled the room and Nigel immediately raised his cell phone higher so that the person connected could hear his voice, so that Schlegel could hear their voice. A woman could be heard there after, greeting the line in a friendly manner amidst the sound of children laughing behind her. Schlegel stared, he recognized the voices. “What the, what are you—”

“Hello, Mrs. Schlegel. Enjoying the free tickets?”

“ _Oh, yes, yes. Chloe is so excited! I never knew Steven had a friend named Nigel but well, you’re a good friend_.”

“What’s an amusement park tickets for a friend?” Nigel glanced at Schlegel, his smile growing mischievously (but more like a threat to Schlegel’s eyes) as his back leaned against the chair he was sitting on. “I just want to let you know that your husband and I have met and are talking right now. Does Titus take good care of you?”

“ _He looks like he can hit people at any moment and that really keeps us secure, Nigel. Thank you, you are very kind_.”

“Good to hear. Now then, Madame, we must continue our business. See you again.” Nigel’s thumb was ready to press the red button on the right side of the phone. “On good or bad occasion.” And the call ended.

Schlegel stared angrily and pounded the desk. He had never met Nigel before and that man had just told him that he and his family were in danger. He didn’t know how Nigel found his address and even convinced his wife that they were good friends, he didn’t know the day would come when something like this could happen to him. Nigel was not his friend, Nigel was not Adam’s guardian either because Harlan never mentioned his name. He couldn’t try to contact the police or anyone because Titus was with his family somewhere. Their safety depended on Schlegel’s decision now.

Nigel looked satisfied, he tapped the surface of the wooden desk with his long fingers, enjoying the time it took Schlegel to think. Not slow, Schlegel closed his eyes tightly, then growled. “Is that all you need?”

“Hm? What do I need?”

Schlegel took a nervous breath. Anger could make a person act against their will and it’s not something he hoped to happen; not here, not there too at his wife and lovely little daughter. “People won’t know that Adam go with you, he will still be our communicator here and I won’t change the results of his evaluation.”

“Does he have good scores?”

“I’ll make sure of that.”

“Aren’t we friends who understand each other? I hope our relationship can always be this good, huh, Steven?” The cellphone that he had put on the table was now buried in the pocket of his faded blue jeans. Nigel stood up, tidying up his never-tidy polo shirt—when did he ever button his collar again?—and still smiling pleasantly at Schlegel even as he turned around toward the door. “Fucking call the police and you’ll find out what Titus is capable of doing. Farewell, my best friend.”

See, wasn’t Nigel very childish? He shouldn’t have gone this far just to get Schlegel to give permission, he probably just needed to be bribed. But Nigel liked it this way, he liked to use his power and showed it to people. He simply liked to show off. But then he was a completely different person when Adam was with him, all the arrogance he always radiated dimmed and replaced by the romantic flowers that fluttered around his head. Nigel had just threatened someone’s life a moment before meeting Adam at the observatory garden to go home together and now the man didn’t seem at all to be able to draw a knife at any time, only an ordinary, _elderly_ man enjoying his evening.

“I talked to Steven, your boss.”

“Steven is just the department head in my division.” Adam corrected, smiling. When did he not smile when he was with his lover though?

“He gave you permission to take a vacation with me.”

Adam was no longer answered. Not that he felt anything strange, his silence was always somewhere between two: understanding or not. And in this conversation, there was nothing difficult to understand and Nigel knew Adam was listening. His silence was not because his mind was taken away to another realm as when he was setting up a documentary and was engrossed in the abundance of information. His silence was because he was happy, he had been on vacation with his father and it was fun and to think of going on another vacation with Nigel made him impatient. It was clear from the movement of Adam’s fingers, curling and clenching, restraining himself, and Nigel was pleased to see that.

“We’re leaving the day after tomorrow. I’ll help you pack, ok gorgeous?”

“Ok.”

“Are you happy?” Nigel chuckled.

Adam was still smiling, glanced briefly at Nigel and looked back at the street after. “Yes.”

“Really?”

“Ya.”

“Kiss me then.”

Upon that request, Adam’s steps immediately stopped. He looked hesitant at first but then took Nigel’s arm and held on to it while he tiptoed over to kiss the older man’s jaw. It was quick and it was not what Nigel wanted. Well, he understood it though. If they were in the apartment now, things would had been different. How had Adam never been filled with demands to touch his sexy man here? So when they finally arrived at the apartment, they didn’t pack up like Nigel planned to but made love, completed the longing that had only occurred for a few hours when Adam had to work because Nigel was staying overnight. Adam did not refuse, exactly he could not, for Nigel was his addiction that would not tire him out, would not bore him, would not fill him with confused thoughts. Nigel was what he needed to stay calm and steady.

No, they didn’t always had sex every night or every time Nigel visited. In some moments it was only Nigel’s hand resting under Adam’s shirt, caressing his stomach and chest, kissing his neck without having to do any further. In some other moments Nigel only went as far as making Adam come without penetrating since his praises and his hands were enough to make Adam lose his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my very first writing. I'm very inexperienced and if anyone would give me input I would really appreciate it!
> 
> I really hope I could portray Nigel and Adam exactly like their canon characteristics but I love how Nigel becomes soft for Adam so here I am making Nigel as a whipped old man...
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it ///^^///


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